Affiliated Counseling and Referral Services


“ ABSOLUTELY no headaches. NO forms to fill out.   We bill your insurance directly.  Just make your small co-payment and you'll NEVER receive a bill from us-Ever!  Guaranteed!"  Since 1976.


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Are You Painfully Dependent on your Partner or Spouse?

Here's what to do about it...




DR. Michael Shery, clinical psychology

  2615 Three Oaks Rd, Ste. 2A, Cary, IL 60013 847 275 8236 (24 Hrs);


“Since 1976, state-of-the-art counseling which treats the problem, not just the symptom…”




Doctoral degree: University of Southern California, 1975






        Referrals accepted from Alexian Brothers, Good Shepherd, Centegra, Loyola, Northwestern University, University of Chicago and the Mayo Clinic hospitals and physicians.




Counseling, Therapy and

Expert Evaluations for: 


Anxiety - Depression -Marriage -Adolescent- ADHD - Alcohol -Substance Abuse -Anger - Fitness for Duty - Disability -Adoption - Weight Loss Surgery 






Questions? Call  Dr Mike NOW: 


                    847 275 8236 (24 Hrs)










Are You Painfully Dependent on your Partner or Spouse?



As a psychologist and counselor in Cary, Illinois, I find that there can be up to 22 warning signs that indicate you are suffering from a fear of being abandoned or excessive dependence on someone else.


First, what are these signs?


1.         Inability to become self-sufficient and over-reliance on a partner, spouse or parent for support, housing, approval and care-giving


2.         A history of many fleeting intimate relationships, with little space, if any, between the end of one and the start of another.


3.         Excessive feelings of panic, fear and helplessness when faced with being alone as a relationship comes to an end.


4.         Preoccupied with the need to please others.


5.        Feeling overly hurt by criticism.


6.         Needing excessive reassurance from others before taking action or making an important decision.


7.         Excessive pre-occupation with fears of being abandoned.


8.         Relationships determine almost all of ones self-worth, happiness and fulfillment


9.         Involvement in relationships in which one was physically abused but had great difficulty leaving.


10.       Painful avoidance of saying No or disagreeing with others because of fear of being rejected.


11.       Difficulty appreciating the importance of the dependency in spite of the fact that trusted others continue pointing it out.


12.      An attitude saturated with striving to meet others expectations.


13.      Painful neglect of ones own needs.


14.      Chronic reticence in providing ones own opinion or viewpoint.


15.      Guilty allowing others to give or do things for self


16.      Expressing an excessive sense of responsibility for others.


17.      Lack of protest when boundaries are violated.


18.      Taking too long to make decisions or take action for fear of being wrong.


19.      Over-verbalization of negative things about the self.


20       Finding ending a relationship with an abusive partner to be almost impossible.


21.      Chronic placating of others in relationships


22.      Difficulty in asserting self because of fear, trepidation and anxiety


If you experience any of these symptoms, it would behoove you to seek therapy or counseling.


But what will your counseling accomplish? How will it benefit you?


1.         Increased confidence in oneself to meet ones own needs.


2.         You will be able to implement effective coping skills and fulfill normal responsibilities when you are alone with no current partner.


3.         You will be able to achieve a healthy balance between independence and living with appropriate dependency needs.


4.         You will be able to reduce the dependence on relationships while developing increased autonomy.


5.         You will be able to establish firm self-boundaries with others and protest appropriately when they are violated.


6.         Your self-worth will depend much less on your relationship and much more on the effectiveness of your autonomous behavior.


7.          You will be able to break away cleanly from any abusive relationship.


8.          You will be able to eliminate any of your abuse of mind-altering substances


9.           You will be able to implement relaxation training in order to become more assertive and firm with others.


10.         You will be able to significantly reduce the resentment and anger which has saturated your thinking about a past abusive relationship.


11.         You will start seeing your future as hopeful and not be pre-occupied about needing to find a partner.


12.         You will be able to increasingly ask for what you want and say No to what you don’t want with reduced anxiety


13.       You will start feeling a reduction in your preoccupation of trying to get your partners approval. You will be able to use relaxation and positive imagery to reduce any pervasive anxiety related to pleasing others in a relationship.


14.       You will be able to identify and reduce any catastrophic expectations caused by the fear of a relationship ending.


15.      You should be able to approach previously intimidating situations with much less fear and more confidence.


16.       You should have a thorough understanding of the results of pathological dependency and be able to progressively reduce the frequency and negative impact of any relapses.


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About The Author

Dr. Mike Shery is a licensed clinical psychologist and is affiliated with almost all health plans, including: ValueOptions, Medicare, Cigna, Cigna Behavioral Health, United Health Care, Aetna, First Health, Healthstar, Blue Cross Blue Shield of Illinois, ComPsych, Magellan Health, HFN, Tricare, Humana, most union local plans, most school district plans, Unicare, ChoiceCare, CAPP, Multiplan, Mental Health Network, Managed Health Network, United Behavioral Health, PPONext, Private Health Care Systems, Humana-Military and Beech Street .

He has practiced clinical psychology for approximately 24 years and is board certified as a specialist in professional counseling by the International Academy of Behavioral Medicine, Counseling and Psychotherapy. He is the director of Affiliated Counseling and Referral Services and is a member of the American Counseling Association.

The office is located in Cary, IL and in select cases phone consultations are available for those who don’t live locally> Telephone Counseling.

To make an appointment> New Patient Registration or to learn more about the psychological services he providescall him at 1-847-275-8236 (24 Hrs).


To make an appointment, schedule yourself now;

Click:  Make appointment for Cary Office: Therapy and Counseling


>New Patient Registration


>How to Find the Right Counselor-the FIRST Time


>Northern Illinois: Drug-Alcohol Treatment Locator


> " Provider Search:" Find a Counselor Covered by your Insurance


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>Articles: Mental Health and Counseling

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In-Office Services are located in Cary, Illinois and are convenient if you're coming from: 

  • Algonquin,
  • Northern Kane County, Illinois
  • Cary,
  • Crystal Lake,
  • Lake-in-the-Hills,
  • Barrington,
  • Elgin,
  • Dundee,
  • Gilberts,
  • Fox River Grove,
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  • Southern McHenry County Illinois



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