Affiliated COUNSELING AND REFERRAL
DR. Michael Shery, clinical
2615 Three Oaks Rd,
Cary, Illinois 60013
|“Since 1976, state-of-the-art counseling which treats the problem, not just the
degree: University of Southern California, 1975
Referrals accepted from Alexian Brothers, Good
Shepherd, Centegra, Loyola, Northwestern University, University of Chicago and the Mayo
Clinic hospitals and physicians.
Expert Evaluations for:
Anxiety - Depression -Marriage
- ADHD - Alcohol -Substance Abuse -Anger - Fitness for Duty - Disability -Adoption - Weight
Questions? Call Dr Mike NOW:
847 275 8236 (24 Hrs)
Do you Avoid People: Go From "Fearful" to "Formidable" in Just Days!
Two types of people are very frustrating and puzzling to their significant others,
those with Avoidant Personalities and those with Schizoid personalities.
Those who suffer from the Avoidant Personality Disorder feel insecure, impotent, helpless, and
deficient in self-esteem. As a result, they are withdrawn and socially detached or distant.
They are very self-conscious about their perceived shortcomings and are hypersensitive and hypervigilant for signs
of rejection or disapproval. In extreme cases, even the slightest, most benign and well intentioned criticism or
disagreement can be perceived as embarrassing, abusive or rejecting.
Therefore, in order to avoid such perceived rejection, the Avoidant personality tries, as much as possible, to
avoid social and other situations that require close contact with others. That would include any number of
situations that are part and parcel of everyday life, such as attending weddings, inviting people to dinner or
other social events or attending college classes or seminars, to name just a few.
Not surprisingly, Avoidant types find it almost impossible to engage in intimate relationships. They often test the
possibility of a relationship by tip-toeing into it and scrupulously assessing whether the other person will accept
them close to, or totally unconditionally.
They desperately require ongoing reassurance to enable them to feel attractive, validated, significant etc. People
often view those with Avoidant personalities as shy, timid, withdrawn, quiet, tentative, distant, tense, insecure,
inhibited and sometimes, even "stuck-up" because of the interactive "distance" they maintain.
Avoidant types typically have vigilant interactive styles and are very careful and self-protective when with
others, causing others to have troubling doubts about them! They believe, in the background, if not in the
forefront of their minds, not only that they are socially and interpersonally incompetent, but that others simply
do not like them.
They entertain these assumptions so strongly that they may construe a genuinely positive message from someone as
negative in some way. For instance, they may view an honest offer of help conveyed by someone as just a form of
deception or manipulation.
When in the presence of others, Avoidant types are generally withdrawn and very tentative. When unavoidably
involved socially, they communicate an empty-sounding humility and and a very "under-stated" persona.
To the Avoidant, this strategy makes the occurrence of criticism or disagreement from others less likely.
Schizoid types are similar to Avoidants in interpersonal distancing, but for a different reason. The
reason relates to the their experience of pleasure, reward and satisfaction.
You see they have none; they have a very difficult time feeling good or pleasure about much of anything. Enjoyment
or real satisfaction is hardly ever seen on their faces.
The term for the inability to experience pleasure is "anhedonia." Those who know schizoid people see them as
distant, disinterested, unengaged and "just going through the motions."
Sounds like depression or Avoidant personality, doesn't it, but it is not. Schizoid types appear merely indifferent
and totally uncaring regarding the impact of social interaction, engagement and relationships.
They have a very restricted range of emotions, rarely express any feelings and are simply unable to feel "intimacy"
with anyone. Because of this, the schizoid's significant other, if he has one, often feels lonely and "empty."
They are even indifferent to sex, rarely showing any interest. This causes more problems for any significant others
because they do not feel valued or attractive.
It is a very emotionally impoverished personality type; they create the impression of being distant, indifferent,
flat, uncaring and emotionally stunted. Close family or social groups give them no feelings of intimacy, closeness
They would rather do things by themselves and are very solitary in their lifestyle. Vocationally, they tend to work
in occupations that are cut-and-dried. You know what they say about accountants and engineers!
They are relatively rigid and lack cognitive flexibility in the way they deal with issues. Faced with changes that
require this flexibility, their coping skills may manifest signs of deterioration and they may act-out.
They portray the impression of not caring what others think and they appear to adhere to mindless routine. They do
not respond effectively to social stimuli, social triggers or interactions. They are not "deep" and often have
little, of any consequence, to say.
What about Professional Help?
Professional help usually involves:
1. Individual counseling or psychotherapy. The purpose of counseling is to
understand yourself and your situation clearer.
You get objective feedback, support and guidance from a professional with experience in treating
abuse in relationships.
2. Group therapy. Attending therapy in a group setting desensitizes you to your
anxiety and teaches you how to communicate better in an environment which is, itself, social.
You get objective feedback, support and guidance, not only from a professional, but from your
peers experiencing similar problems as you. Money should not deter you because both types of counseling can be
received from private practitioners and non-profit sliding scale community agencies.
3. Cognitive therapy-oriented self-therapy kits (STKs) and articles and
If going to counseling seems initially like too big a step, reading articles and books, attending
seminars and using cognitive therapy-oriented self-therapy or home therapy kits (STKs) can help. STKs are self-help
programs that use cognitive therapy to tutor you, step-by-step on how to deal with your social
As opposed to books and articles, they teach assertive social skills using cognitive therapy in a
multimedia format: CDs, DVDs, MP3s, e-books, workbooks, audios, videos etc. Cognitive-behavioral tutoring on how
to become engaged in relationships can be very helpful.
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Dr. Mike Shery is a
licensed clinical psychologist and is affiliated
with almost all health plans, including:
ValueOptions, Medicare, Cigna, Coventry, Cigna Behavioral Health, United Health Care,
Aetna-Allied, First Health, Healthstar, Blue Cross Blue Shield of Illinois, ComPsych, Magellan
Health, Meridian, HFN, Tricare, Humana, most union local plans, most school district plans,
Unicare, ChoiceCare, CAPP, Multiplan, Mental Health Network, Managed Health Network, United
Behavioral Health, PPONext, Private Health Care Systems, Humana-Military and Beech Street
He has practiced
clinical psychology for approximately 30 years and is board certified as a specialist in professional counseling by the International Academy of Behavioral
Medicine, Counseling and Psychotherapy. He is the director of Affiliated Counseling and
Referral Services and is a member of the American
The office is located
in Cary, IL and in select cases phone consultations are available for those who don’t live
locally> Telephone Counseling.
To make an
appointment> New Patient Registration or to learn more about the psychological services
he provides call him at 1-847-275-8236 (24