Affiliated Counseling and Referral Services

 

“ ABSOLUTELY no headaches. NO forms to fill out.   We bill your insurance directly.  Just make your small co-payment and you'll NEVER receive a bill from us-Ever!  Guaranteed!"  Since 1976.

 

Subscribe to Latest Free Articles from Dr Michael Shery

 


 
 

From Cary And Algonquin, IL: Infidelity: A Counselor's Advice On Whether You Should  Forgive or Not

No less than approximately 25% to 50% of today's separations and divorces in developed countries blame their spouse's unfaithful behavior. According to one authority, approximately 36% of spouses report infidelity when on business trips.

When questioned about their cheating, men often respond that they have lost the sexual drive for their partners because they miss the spontaneity, wildness, fun, adventure and the feelings of conquest they get from uncommitted sex. Unfortunately, the odds are high that at one time or another, you will be seeking professional help for problems of infidelity.

Women who have been betrayed by infidelity often agonize over whether to attempt to forgive their spouses or to end their relationship. Professional therapists know that there are many things to consider when pondering divorce.

No question about it, infidelity will definitely have a significant
impact on you and every family member's relationship. If you don't deal with it constructively, you will have serious problems with trust issues in the future, whether or not you remain in your current relationship.

But what if you desperately want to forgive your spouse but just can't seem to get over the betrayal? Here are some things a counselor will encourage you to consider before making a definite decision:

1. Your partner's sense of ethics, character and personality -- no question about it, you have discovered a lot about your spouse since you began the relationship, but, unfortunately, there is even more to think about.

Look at his or her history and family background. Did he or she cheat on his/her ex's before you? Has he or she been unfaithful to you before?

Is your spouse so self-involved that s/he dismisses out-of-hand whatever troubling issues you have brought up about your relationship? Has he or she ever resisted temptations?

Many therapists would advise that if he or she has previously resisted such opportunities, then your partner probably deserves that you give him or her another one more chance.

2. Study your partner's underlying motivation beyond his or her actions -- Believe it or not, many therapists would consider your spouse's motivations just as important as the unfaithful act itself.

What if he or she was unfaithful for some reason other than love for the other person? What if he or she was pressured?

As unlikely as it may be, what if he or she did it to benefit you or your loved ones in some convoluted or strange way? What if he or she was too unstable to make a rational decision?

Perhaps the most challenging question is, "What if he or she was really not unfaithful, and what I may have heard was just plain wrong?" Remember, that what you may have heard or witnessed may not necessarily be the entire story.

Investigate as is reasonable, first, before making any decisions.

3. Think, realistically, about whether you have been a good emotional and sexual partner. For example, when was the
last time you had enjoyable sex with your partner -- or even had a good discussion?

When you and your spouse have had sexual relations, have you been willing to experiment, make the sexual experience more interesting and satisfying AND loving and romantic? If there is a good chance that these are the reasons for the infidelity, explore your own issues.

The good news is that you can still start again, saving your relationship by doing your part based on your new insights.

4. Remember that the issues at stake are serious and even life-changing for you and your entire family. Carefully consider what your marriage really means to you?

Do you have children with whom you are greatly concerned? IMPORTANT: Might you make the wrong decision because of being too concerned about what others will think of you? Often in counseling is a good place to explore these questions.

5. Is his or her regret sincere; is it deep? There can be numerous
reasons to forgive, even though you will never totally forget. That is another reason that, should you choose to stay together, you must forgive-for your sake and your partner's.

And, by the way, what if your partner is truly making a deep effort? Might it be that you are pushing him or her away? Time is an important way to make that assessment. After all, you will not be able to forgive him 105% overnight.

You will require time and one of the most important ways of evaluating your spouse's effort to right the wrong is how he or she behaves after being caught. If he or she is willing to be patient and to consistently demonstrate acts of real contrition consistently, without complaint, then he or she may really be sincere.

Whether to forgive infidelity requires very careful and thorough thought. That is why the best place to do so is in the counselor's office.

______________________________________________________

Dr Shery is in Cary, IL, near Algonquin, Crystal Lake, Marengo, Woodstock and Lake-in-the-Hills. He is an expert psychologist, provides day, evening and Saturday appts, accepts all insurance and bills your insurance directly. He is a graduate of the University of Southern California and has 35 years of experience. Call 1 847 275 8236 (24 Hrs) or make an appointment now at: http://www.carypsychology.com

___________________________________________________

>New Patient Registration

 

>How to Find the Right Counselor-the FIRST Time

 

>Northern Illinois: Drug-Alcohol Treatment Locator

 

> " Provider Search:" Find a Counselor Covered by your Insurance

 

>Counselors-Psychologists in northern Illinois

>Articles: Mental Health and Counseling

>Anger Management and ADHD

> Depression and Anxiety Articles

> Up-to-the-Minute News

>More Info>www.caryilcounseling.com

New Patient Registration

Psychology and Counseling

Listed in the provider directories of:

Aetna-Allied

Aetna Behavioral Health

ValueOptions

Cigna

Coventry

Blue Cross Blue Shield PPO

Unicare

United Health

United Behavioral Health

Cigna Behavioral Health

PPO Next

Private Health Care Systems (PHCS)

Humana-Military

Multiplan

First Health

Humana

Tricare

Medicare

Beech Street

ChoiceCare

CAPP

Union Local plans

School District plans

HFN

Preferred Mental Health Management (PMHM)

Mental Health Network (MHN)

Magellan Health

Healthstar

ComPsych

___

INCLUDED IN:

the Mental Health Provider Directory

the Provider Directory

Most Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs)

All Motor Vehicle Insurers (for auto accident trauma)

All Workers Comp Programs (for work injuries)

and many more...

___

Services for:

Panic Disorder

Post-Concussion Syndrome

PTSD

Addiction Counseling

Adult ADHD Treatment

Anger Counseling Management

Anorexia Bulimia Treatment

Counseling Management Stress

Anorexia Nervosa Treatment

Anxiety Treatment

Anxiety Management

Stress Management

Anxiety Depression Treatment Center

Psychiatric Hospitalization

Suicide Prevention

Center for Psychotherapy

Center for Counseling Services

Child and Family Counseling

Counseling Marriage

Centegra Horizons

Horizons Behavioral Health

Alexian Brothers Behavioral Health

Mental Health Counseling

Mental Health Treatment Center

Marital Counseling

Online Phone Counseling

Phone Counseling

Psychological Test

Teen Counseling

Psychiatry

Psychiatric Medication

Millon Clinical Multiaxial Inventory

MMPI

Social Security Disability

Workers Compensation

Victim of Malpractice

New Patient Registration

NAVIGATION MENU:

New Patient Registration


View Appointment Calendar

Map to Cary Office

Articles

How to Find the Right Counselor-the FIRST Time
Counseling Services
Marriage Counseling and Individual Psychotherapy
Counseling: Injury and Car Accident Trauma
Telephone Counseling
New Patient Registration
Counselors-Psychologists in northern Illinois
Algonquin, IL: Counseling Directory
Barrington, IL: Counselor Directory and Town History
Crystal Lake, IL: Directory of Counselors and Psychologists
Cary, IL: List of Counselors and Psychologists
Dundee, East or West, IL: Psychologists and Counselors
Fox River Grove: Directory of Psychologist-Counselors
Huntley: Counselors-Psychologists
Island Lake, Il: Psychologists and Counselors
Lake Zurich, IL: List of Counselors and Psychologists
McHenry, IL: Counselor Directory and Town History
Richmond, IL: Counselors-Psychologists
Wauconda, IL: Directory of Counselors-Psychologists
Woodstock: List of Counselors and Psychologists
Northern Illinois: Drug-Alcohol Treatment Locator
Articles: Mental Health and Counseling
Before Weight Loss Surgery: Your Psychological Fitness Exam
Marriage and Relationship Articles
Depression and Anxiety Articles
Articles: How to Find the Ideal Counselor for You
Substance Abuse: Alcoholism and Drug Addiction
Adoption and Birth Surrogacy Evaluations
Motor Vehicle Accidents, Job Injuries and PTSD
Miscellaneous Mental Health and Counseling Articles
Psychological Assessments for Law Practices
The Psychiatric Disability Office
Psychological and Independent Medical Examinations (IME)
"The Provider Directory:" Find a Counselor Covered by your Insurance Company
Up-to-the-Minute News
Contact Us
Links to Mental Health Services and Information

________________

Subscribe to Latest Free Articles from Dr Michael Shery

In-Office Services are located in Cary, Illinois and are convenient if you're coming from: 

  • Algonquin,
  • Northern Kane County, Illinois
  • Cary,
  • Crystal Lake,
  • Lake-in-the-Hills,
  • Barrington,
  • Elgin,
  • Dundee,
  • Gilberts,
  • Fox River Grove,
  • McHenry 
  • Southern McHenry County Illinois

____

Services:

Depression treatment

Couple counseling

Family and Marriage Counselor

Counseling Therapy

Counseling Services

Counselor Marriage 

Depression Treatment Center 

Divorce Counseling

Adolescent Counseling

Drug Abuse Treatment

Child ADHD Treatment

Drug Addiction Counseling

Eating Disorder Treatment 

Family Counseling

Drug Counselor

Relationship Counseling

Family Counselor

Family Psychiatric Treatment

Psychologist 

Psychiatrist 

Bipolar Treatment

Anxiety Treatment

ADHD Treatment

Anxiety Disorder Treatment

Pre-Marriage Counseling

Pre-Marital Counseling

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

OCD

Behavioral Medicine

Personality Testing

ADHD Testing

Counselor Psychotherapist

Partial Hospitalization

Drug Treatment Program

Intensive Outpatient Therapy

Intensive Therapy

Bereavement Counseling

Grief and Loss

Geriatric Psychotherapy

Geriatric Psychology

Geriatric Psychiatry

_______

More Services:

Post-Traumatic-Stress Disorder

Alcoholism Treatment

Psychological Counseling

Psychiatric Treatment

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy