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From Cary And Mchenry, Illinois: 4 Crucial Questions To Ask Yourself Before Considering Divorce


Deciding to end a marriage is painful, arduous, stressful and distressing. It is crucial that you first get a highly trained marriage counselor to help you explore some important questions, before making the final decision.

Here are some questions your therapist can guide you through prior to making decisions on divorce:

1. Why am I considering a divorce?

What is the real reason you are considering divorce. After all, divorce may be a catastrophic decision if you're doing it for the
wrong reasons.

If continuing fights are involved, let the counselor talk you through them so you can view things rationally, from a healthier perspective. This should help you both cool off before discussing any sensitive issues again.

The counselor will help you calm yourselves and engage
in more rational thinking by expanding alternative perspectives and showing you how to eliminate the impulse to fight. IMPORTANT: He or she will help you to resist your destructive impulses to hurt your partner in a burst of temper.

Remember, divorce is not an action that should be made impulsively or taken lightly; it should not be done when negativity, anger and vindictiveness is permeating the atmosphere. A relationship counselor can help keep things calm, stable and objective

2. Are there any unexpressed reasons behind your consideration of divorce?

Be sure your reasons for proposing divorce are valid. Get another perspective by asking your therapist's opinion.

Your counselor will help you inventory any underlying problems that may be amenable to change and discuss therapeutic options with you. This will prevent you from impulsively choosing a separation that may be impossible to change later.

One example of the help you will receive is that your therapist will not let you get away with mentioning divorce, mainly as a way of expressing your frustrations, or intimidating or threatening your spouse.

If appropriate, your counselor may point out that that seems to be the case and, if true, he may mention that divorce may not be the correct solution for you. He or she may suggest that you engage in advanced and proven communication or problem-solving training instead.

3. Are you fully aware of the long term consequences for you and your family members.

Before filing for divorce, your therapist will help you consider if you may be good candidates for various therapeutic options instead. These options are likely to include stress reduction, conflict resolution, assertiveness, anger management and problem-solving training. This is crucial because, whatever decision you make, it can have an enduring impact on you, your children and your spouse's desires and hopes.

The wrong decision can also destroy your psychological health and that of your kids, not to mention, the potential overwhelming burdens of your financial situation. Your counselor will help you thoroughly assess the impact that divorce would have on the lives of your kids, your extended family and various other family members and friends.

Every decision you make has consequences, whether they be positive or negative. Your therapist will see to it that you are thinking clearly about these consequences and will help you clearly visualize the changes your decision will cause.

For example, are you deceiving yourself by staying "strong" for your children? Are you using faulty coping mechanisms? Your counselor will not allow you to deny, suppress or bottle up your feelings because that would just make things worse in the long run.

4. Would it be possible for you to behave maturely
should you get a divorce?

Don't forget, the effects of divorce last far beyond the legal proceedings and technicalities; it is anything but a one shot deal. With your counselor, you will explore whether or not you would be willing to take responsibility for that decision, should you make it, particularly where child-rearing and custody arrangements are involved.

Also, you will have to explore whether or not you would be willing to abandon any resentments you have towards your spouse. Doing so, would enable you to work cooperatively with each other, at least, for the kids sake.

Attitude is key. Getting a divorce is a major life decision affecting the entire family and you should thoroughly think it through with a therapist before moving ahead. If the decision is not processed and explored properly, any destructive effects it might have will be with you and your present family for a very long-time to come.


Dr Shery is in Cary, IL, near Algonquin, Crystal Lake and Lake-in-the-Hills. He provides day, evening and Saturday appts, accepts all insurance, including Blue Cross and bills your insurance directly. He is a psychologist, treating anxiety, family problems, anger and ADHD.He provides an exclusive Peace of Mind Guarantee:"In the unlikely event your insurance fails to pay, neither will you!" Call 1 847 275 8236 (24 Hrs) or make an appointment NOW


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